Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Holy sore nipples Batman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
