There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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