Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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