Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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