last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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