the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
