it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize