Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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