i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
