how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
