my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
