this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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