And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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