evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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