I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
