your thong is hanging out like whoa
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize