im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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