meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
