My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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