hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize