i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize