He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
