she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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