I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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