I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
