dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
