No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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