I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
