it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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