In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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