I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize