Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
