why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
