All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
