wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize