You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
