I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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