What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
