There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
