my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i think i just lost a toe
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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