I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nutella sex= disaster
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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