Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
