I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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