omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
