if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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