do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize