She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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