She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
