Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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