fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
