If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
