girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
