I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just gift wrapped bread.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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