I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm going to jail i love you
zippers are such a cool invention
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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