I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
