if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
