Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
