i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She told me I should be a condom model.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
