Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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