I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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