four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
