I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
