All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
