took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
