I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
