I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
