the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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