what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I yelled at your uterus for you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
