Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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