and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
