I'm drive I can fine osifer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
