i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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